Sunday, September 30, 2012

a brief lapse and a new trial

A little dream of mine, a little nightmare of yours. 

I've been gone for several months. I don't know if anyone will even notice that I've undeleted this blog, I didn't even know I could do that after I'd deleted it. 

I'm hating being alone in this, I'm so alone without you girls. 

Decided to see what would happen if I post a few more posts. See if I get more abuse. If no more abuse gets hurled my way, I might tentatively start blogging again. If I get more, then I am deleting it again. 

Much has happened since I was last here. I'm now in England, halfway through my time here already. 

I've finally started losing weight again. I guess when I'm completely alone, with nobody to check up on me, other forces take over. I haven't finished a single meal since I've been here. And I've been walking everywhere, living on instant noodles and salad. 

Current weight: 52kg 
Weight on arrival in England 4 weeks ago: 57kg

Please God, let me keep this up. Let me keep this up. Let me keep this up. The constant gnawing of this disorder is wearing me thin and with nobody to talk to, it's very difficult. Last week I almost emailed the professor to tell him how much weight I'd lost. 

But with the misery of having the problems alone, I also missed having someone to celebrate the triumphs with. I had such a long dry spell with all your continued support, I really wanted to tell you all of my successes, make you proud of me. I've lost 5kg in 4 weeks and I'm at my next goal weight of 115lbs. 

I will continue to make you proud. 

Will try to read as many of your blogs as I can to catch up on what I've missed. I miss you all so, so much. 

I love you all so much. Each day that I was gone, I thought of you all and wondered how you were doing. But I'm back (for now)! 

Ever yours,

-Judith Marie