Sunday, September 30, 2012

a brief lapse and a new trial

A little dream of mine, a little nightmare of yours. 



I've been gone for several months. I don't know if anyone will even notice that I've undeleted this blog, I didn't even know I could do that after I'd deleted it. 

I'm hating being alone in this, I'm so alone without you girls. 

Decided to see what would happen if I post a few more posts. See if I get more abuse. If no more abuse gets hurled my way, I might tentatively start blogging again. If I get more, then I am deleting it again. 

Much has happened since I was last here. I'm now in England, halfway through my time here already. 

I've finally started losing weight again. I guess when I'm completely alone, with nobody to check up on me, other forces take over. I haven't finished a single meal since I've been here. And I've been walking everywhere, living on instant noodles and salad. 

Current weight: 52kg 
Weight on arrival in England 4 weeks ago: 57kg

Please God, let me keep this up. Let me keep this up. Let me keep this up. The constant gnawing of this disorder is wearing me thin and with nobody to talk to, it's very difficult. Last week I almost emailed the professor to tell him how much weight I'd lost. 

But with the misery of having the problems alone, I also missed having someone to celebrate the triumphs with. I had such a long dry spell with all your continued support, I really wanted to tell you all of my successes, make you proud of me. I've lost 5kg in 4 weeks and I'm at my next goal weight of 115lbs. 

I will continue to make you proud. 

Will try to read as many of your blogs as I can to catch up on what I've missed. I miss you all so, so much. 

I love you all so much. Each day that I was gone, I thought of you all and wondered how you were doing. But I'm back (for now)! 

Ever yours,

-Judith Marie

5 comments:

  1. Welcome back!!! I finally came back on here after an extremely long absence and was so upset to see that you were gone. You were the only one I actually talked to on here and it's been strange without you. But I'm so glad you're here!! Can't wait to read your updates again :D

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  2. So glad you're back. Looking forward to reading about how you've been, and what's going on now.

    I hope things are okay for you - I know it can feel really lonely, when you don't have anyone to share these things with. The times I've taken off blogging were really lonely and terrible for me - no way to let my ED voice out made it FESTER.

    Hows England?

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  3. JUDE MY BABY MY LOVE OMGOSH JUDE JUDE JUDE. I HAVE LITERALLY...I SWEAR MY HEART NEARLY STOPPED BEATING WHEN I SAW THAT EMAIL POP UP. I HAD TO ADJUST MY EYE SIGHT FOR A BIT AND THEN UGH! I LOAF YOU. <3
    oh my gosh. loneliness sucks steel balls.
    i want to be at a goal weight and babe, you will never disappointment. you will ALWAYS make me as proud as fuck! <3 I loaf you. :)
    -Sam Lupin

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  4. well done for getting to your goal weight! and ignore any abuse...the people who post it arent worth your time :) xo.

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