Friday, July 26, 2013

"Well, you're not a virgin anymore."

"Baby be the class clown, I'll be the beauty queen in tears."

So a lot has happened since I last posted here. An awful lot. And I've learnt a lot about myself. I've been out with my cop many, many times. And the odd thing is, he's not my boyfriend. Definitely not. I have absolutely no idea what is happening between us at all. All I know is that when I'm with him, things seem to be easy. And when I'm with him, I forget about everything. 

Yes, I have my moments filled with self doubt when we're not together but those are largely my issues, as opposed to issues with us. I'm already feeling guilty about things. I don't exactly have time for him. I'm ALWAYS at work, and this is making me realise just how much I work. I work a lot. He works on average 40 hours a week in various shifts. I work on average 65 hours. His longest shift is 9 hours. The longest shift I've ever worked is 16 hours. I'm starting to understand why I'm always tired. 

The other day I had a terrible day at work. Was supposed to meet up with him afterwards but I ended up finishing 3 hours late, crying and in tears. It had been the shittiest day on record ever. I text him, saying that I was gross, had had a shit day, was super late, and he really probably shouldn't see me. I mean, I had changed into scrubs because everything was so shit. People were dying, people were being transferred to ICU, it was just thoroughly shit. After all, by the time I was finished with work, he was due to start his night shift in 2 hours.

He ended up just saying I should come over. And so I did, I was too numb to do anything else really. I sort of stood forlornly on his doorstep for a few seconds and as soon as he opened the door, he just wrapped his arms around me, maneuvered me into his room and we flopped onto his bed. For an hour we just lay there like that, he had wrapped himself around me and was talking about random things and I really did just completely forget about work. 

The night before we had tried to have sex. And I say "tried" because we had to stop because I was so bleedy and paining. I mean, I knew it was going to be like that, I think I freaked him out a bit by being bleedy. I didn't mind the bleeding, but it was so damn painful. He said he didn't want to hurt me, and that we'd take things slow because it was my first time, and that I'd start to enjoy it with time. "Well, you're not a virgin anymore." He tells me as he puts his arm around me and just cuddles me for a while. 

I don't exactly know how I feel about that. But we've gone out a few times since then. And I certainly hope to be in his pants again before I jet away to Melbourne on holiday.

Now ladies, I need some advice - I've never been in a relationship before and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing and how things are going...any comments/advice/heckling is welcome. 

Thank you in advance!


  1. I'm not am expert by any means, but I guess the biggest thing I've found that's important is respect. Respect of time, feelings, thoughts, desires. You do what makes you happy, let them, and meet in the middle to enjoy those things together. Be open. Be honest. Be willing to let them in to the dark places if they're trustworthy. Let him tell you you're beautiful. Let yourself be treated properly and treat him the same. If it's done, know it's done and leave to save you both. Oh, and find it in your heart to believe in yourself and your worth. It's actually important to realize that. I've been reading since about Christmas and I'm glad you finally found a great guy. :) good luck

  2. This guy really does seem nice. He's so understanding, from what you've said. I would be upset if someone special to me was 3 hours late, but he just asked you over and had a cuddle, with nothing attached! I say take it slow, and go with what feels natural. Don't feel pressured at all, and enjoy your time with him. :) x

  3. her spine has nothing off the fact that mine just very vaguely shows fspksfpks I NEED A MORE PROMINENT SPINE LIKE THAT ONE DAMMIT
    that's so cute BUT YOURE MINE
    16 hour shift you're fucking joking
    awwwwwwwww no :( that sounds like such a shitty day I would have been sobbing my fucking heart out omg
    awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww hes so cute
    omg Jude why I wanted to take your virginity (okay I may not have a cock per say)
    not an expert. I think the easiest for me to say is just to let it run its course. one of my biggest issues with relationships is that Im always afraid that Rachel is going to break up with me or going to find someone better then I realised that I really didn't care about that as long as she still stayed close to me, as long as we were still friends after. the biggest fear I have is that someone can be a part of my life for a long time and then just not a part of it anymore, but one really good piece of advice I've realised is if you want to say something, are uncertain about something, just say it to him. that's one thing I noticed.
    I felt like I couldn't say anything to Rachel without hurting her but really, I was underestimating how strong she was, and how much she could took
    that's all I know for now x

    -Sam Lupin

  4. Seems sweet, just chill out and see how far it goes. When I lost my V card it hurt the first 3 or 4 times and it was horrible. But eventually it will start to feel better. Good luck xoxo