I've drunk a lot and I will now write!

"Now there are thoughts like these that keep me on my feet."

Read the title of this post, you have been warned!!!

What have I drunk? I don't really remember. I know it all started with a lovely, deliciously fresh and refreshing glass of viognier and then 2 bourbon and cokes and at least another 3 scotch on the rocks with a twists. Man, it was good scotch too. It was the 47 year old single malt that I bought for my dad in Scotland. And cost a pretty penny. 

Why am I drinking? I don't really remember. But hey! I'm sure that was probably the point of it all so as far as I'm concerned, it has been a very successful venture. But the last thing I need is a drinking problem on top of all my other problems so this is the last time! Mind you, I did say that after the last time I drank so much. 7 drinks at dinner in London. And I managed to get myself home on the underground perfectly fine. I thought I was super lucid, not so sure how true that was...but I got myself home and it was all good and fine. I'm sure there are bosses who would fry my ass on a stick if they heard that story, but that's why they don't know!

Today I have taken my high maintenance to a whole new level...with semi-permanent eyelash extensions! They are beautiful and now I don't feel bad about my natural short-ass stubby, ugly eyelashes. And they cost me $230 with an upkeep cost of $70 every 3 weeks. I'm slowly, one aspect at a time, improving myself. 

First the eyelashes. Well, first the piercings and tattoos and then the eyelashes. And the very little headway that I've already made with the weight loss. And I am seriously starting to think about cosmetic surgery. Well, first the liposuction, and then to get my nose and eyes fixed. 

Maybe. But then again, I could just spend the money at the swish pilates place that I've been eyeing up and hope to carve myself a new body. Maybe. 

One way or other, I will get there. Just realised that I will have enough money to speed up the process. But I feel I should do the pilates option. It will be better deserved that way. 

And with all that going on, I don't know how I'm going to manage to buy myself my first house. I'M BUYING A HOUSE MOTHERFUCKERS!!! Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to live in it. It'll be rented out, and added to my family's collection of houses. That way, when I've paid off my debts and I'm gone, my parents will still have my houses keeping them comfortable. Apparently I talk like I'm made of money. I wish!

But now, with all swiftness, back to my body. And yes, I AM that vain. I'm currently not monitoring my calorie intake (officially). And I probably will never count my calories ever again. Woop! Woop! Holla dat! Right. Now there is a reason for this. I'm about to start work. EVERYONE drops tonnes of weight when they start work. EVERYONE. 

And now I know the key to losing weight. Step 1. Pile on the weight of the earth in stress. Step 2. Add one incredibly understaffed and overworked hospital. Step 3. Add disgusting cafeteria food and long hours. Step 4. Add me. 

As long as I throw myself into the work that is about to throw itself at me, I will be busy enough to not eat. And I will be at the hospital for breakfast, lunch and dinner which means that I will be there for no meals at all. If I don't lose on that regime, then I will never lose weight at all. 

I will weigh myself in the morning of my first day, and then I will weigh myself every week to see what happens. In a way this is an experiment. Let's see what happens.