"You will never escape from this sad, sad house. I take his hand, we sink."
I've just had the unlikeliest of thinspos pop up in my life. And before I start, here is a disclaimer that what I am about to say is sick, depraved, and an absolutely deplorable example of the awful human being that I am. I don't want any of you to take up the same example...I'm just trying to get this out of my head.
I've often wandered how fast someone can lose weight. Often wandered how it was possible to drop several dress sizes in next to no time at all. But now that I have seen a real life example of it with my own eyes, well.
Let's set the scene. It's an ex-patient of mine, who lost more than 20kg in 6 weeks. Okay, so here is the bad part, he has cancer. Pretty end stage too. No appetite whatsoever, lived off a few spoons of supplement every day for 6 weeks and lost 20kg. If we take the cancer out of the equation, and say the weight loss is about 12-15kg with a normal person and reduced food intake.
So trying to tweak the equation further, and put the weight loss at 8-10kg over 6 weeks if I drink...a few coffees a day, trim at that, and eat maybe one or two pieces of fruit. And...maybe 6kg over 4 weeks if I can keep it up.
I have lost nearly 10kg in 4-6 weeks before. So it must be possible. And that was eating normally on weekends and liquid fasting.
The reason I'm so focussed on 4-6 weeks is because in that timespan, I will be going to Australia to see my friend, during which time I will be shopping up a storm. I'd love to buy small, skinny clothes. I'd also love for her to be able to see a difference in my weight. It must be possible. I just have to set my mind to it.
I am well aware of how sick it is to have a dying patient of mine as thinspo, but it probes to me that it's possible. And the only way I can mimic a cancer is to have absolutely rigid self control. All I can do is try really. I'll keep you updated.
that second picture though. i'd die for that.
ReplyDeletewhatever you're going to say will not make me think of you as any of those things. often, your idea of how horrid something is - it's probably not that bad really. probably to you but not to other people.
it is the ED part of you. you will find thinspiration in anything. for me, the most triggering thing are children because they parade around with bodies i want. it's not sick simply for the fact that with what the ED mindset - you practically scrimmage for such things. it's not like you chose to find thinspo in your dying patient, but that's the way it's going. it's the way you're just going to have to accept it, honey.
keep us updated, beautiful xo
-Sam Lupin
<3 Love the photos!
ReplyDeleteI get it. I felt that way when I saw that twilight movie where Bella was retarded thin. I get the same way and get super jealous of the chicks at my university who obviously have eating disorders. It's a glamorous horror and sickness. I don't judge you. I understand.
ReplyDelete