Sunday, August 28, 2011
quod me nutrit, me destruit.
What nourishes me, destroys me.
And isn't that just true in all aspects of life. It's what I feel about food, it's how I feel about cutting, it's how I feel about work. It's a rather self destructive cycle but I wouldn't have it any other way. I just realised that I left my cutting blades at home so I'm sitting in my room, itching to do something but I can't. It's hard to get into fasting again. I'm trying to ease myself into it by eating 800cal a day this week then having 5 days liquid fast next week.
Hoping to drop some weight again finally, it's been a long time since I saw the scales go down.
As I draw ever closer to my qualification exams the nerves are beginning to set it and traditionally, this has been a time of year where I have eaten compulsively and gained lots of weight, but I'm under pressure but I'd love to drop 10kg by the summer. I'll have to see how well I do. Maybe if I distract myself with enough study, I'll forget to eat, or at least that's what I'm hoping for.
I want to be seriously thin when I next see the professor. I am already pessimistic about whether this will happen or not, but the least I can do is try. I will write myself a letter tonight, which I will read each time I get the urge to eat compulsively and if it isn't too personal, I will post it on here.
Wish me luck!