shared delusions

I should say from the very start of this post that it is almost midnight. I have been studying for omgosh, 6 hours now and when I say study, I mean, reading and making notes while chatting online. Spent hours talking to an old friend who I've not spoken to for a long time now. I'm tired and probably barely coherent but something happened earlier tonight that I want to share.

I was sitting around with my flatmates, just chatting when the topic switched to weight. One of my male flatmates is trying to lose a bit of weight. And I started talking about how depressed I was about all the weight I had gained (which is a whole lot!). And two of my flatmates piped up about how thin I looked. I have 4 flatmates. 3 guys and a girl. One of the guys is trying to lose weight. The girl is one of my best friends but unfortunately we sort of compound each others actions. So this can be weight gain, or going to the gym, or studying or shopping, but we just add to each other and it's not always good. The two that piped up are the two remaining guys. AC is one, who is thin as half a rake, and the other is a total gym buff and has muscles on his muscles.

They had been living at the flat while I had been away for a long time and said that when they saw me, they were shocked by how thin I'd become. Which was hilarious to me because I'd actually gained 3kg from the last time they saw me. Yet I could see it in their faces, they were genuinely surprised and Mike, the gym buff actually shouted at me as I was getting out of the car "come in here and drink some oil!" Obviously I think they have some sort of shared delusion. They seem to think I've lost even more weight when I'd gone and gained weight. I can't wait to lose more weight and see what they think of that!

But someone indirectly called me fat today. I was not eating lunch and he said to me "you're not that bad" and I took that as "you're not a complete fat whale but partially". So yeah, even more motivation to lose the weight. I don't know if being around people who constantly think I'm thin is good. I mean, great ego boost but it makes me lose perspective. I get to feeling pretty damn thin, then I look in the mirror and it's like, oh, I'm still fat. All their comments make me feel like I've somehow magically dropped a tonne of weight.