and what does daddy say?

"I think I thought I saw you try. But that was just a dream."

Firstly, thanks for your responses to my last post. Sammy, blogger hates our love and will not display your comments. It was interesting to find out what areas bother you most. And that we all hate our tummies and thighs. 

Since that post I've spent a week freaking out about going to see the professor for a barbecue and then actually going and feeling extremely young and uneducated. I'm not sure how well I remembered that night, I had just come off long day, post-take rounds and having worked 12 days in a row I was in quite a state. 

In true me-style, I had panicked as soon as he invited me to this bbq with several other consultants and my boss in Bristol, who is over here visiting. It didn't feel right at all. I was the youngest person there by 20 years and I just kind of sat in the corner with not much to say. I was too tired to be witty or charming. But it was still a nice night. 

So the long and short of it is that I had no idea what I was doing there. It was an honour to be invited, but it was odd. I know for sure the others were surprised to see me there. I felt like I was their child, just there to be polite and presentable. It must be some kind of record, no person as junior as me has ever been invited to anything like that. I felt awkward, out of place and juvenile, but in an odd way, I was totally the cat that got the cream. 

Apart from that, the night was odd in another way. I had a weird feeling that out of the 4 women there, at least 3 of us had had some sort of eating disorder at some point in time. The other women were deadly thin, boney and gorgeous in that way. And he watched what I ate. Didn't embarrass me per se, but mentioned that I hadn't taken much food. 

Another thing that I've only just found out, is that my entire class at medical school seem to think that the professor is my sugar daddy. I don't know what a sugar daddy is, but I do think of him as a father so I guess that's close enough. Josh thinks that the professor is my sugar daddy. Which I find sweet. But I don't know why. 

I still have a huge crush on Josh. He's such a nice guy. Unless I'm barking up the complete wrong tree or am completely stupid, if I tried a bit harder, I could probably get him. He sits close to me, always makes physical contact when he sees me. But as usual, I will just wait for it to pass me by. 

I guess besides this, I don't have much to say tonight. I feel some sort of change in me. And as of yet, I don't know what it is. I will update accordingly, when I figure out what is changing. But I can feel that something is going to happen.