PMS IS A FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!

"I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do."

FUCKING HELL. Okay, I am absolutely sure I am PMSing, I know this, and yet I cannot stop myself becoming crazy psycho bitch cow. CRAZY PSYCHO BITCH COW!!!! RAWR!!!!!

Oh the anger that runs through my veins, you could bottle it and then hurl it at people as some sort of flash bomb. And I don't even know why I am so angry, I can't explain it. I just am. I just feel like destroying something. 

Well, I finally had the coffee date with Joe. Not exactly in the circumstances that I would have liked, him coming off two consecutive 20 hour working days and working today before doing tonight's night shift and me about to face two consecutive 20 hour working days over the weekend. We were both...not so much in a good mood, still, with a load of work on both our backs, we sat and had coffee for an hour before going to round together. 

Didn't help matters by wearing a pair of GORGEOUS (but quite tall) green suede heels. My feet were sore like all hell. Sore, like all hell! Neither of us had anything to look forward to and I think we were giggling out of sheer despair. 

I feel so confused after today. A big part of it is the PMS. I've never actually been annoyed at Joe before, despite all his short comings and faults, they've been okay. And weirdly enough, I felt annoyed because he was walking too fast. And I had to keep asking him to wait for me while I clattered behind him in my heels. 

Of all the things that should bug me, it was that that got to me the most. I felt like, I'd made such an effort to make life easier for him, most of which I don't even think he noticed, he couldn't even think to walk a tiny bit slower? I wanted to dip my stilettos in a wound full of pus and then stab him with it. 

Maybe he just needs to chill the fuck out. Go far away and forget everything. And just chill the fuck out. If I wasn't PMSing, I would say that I wanted to whisk him away for a weekend and do nothing. But since I am full of PMS, I want to knock him unconscious, stuff him into a bag and ship him off to somewhere else. Christ. SO FUCKING MAD!!! 

I think Joe's pretty aware of my crazy coming out. I was properly angry at him today. No doubt, after I bleed myself out, I will miss him and regret all this, but until that happens I will continue on my homicidal rampage. 

It's probably all a sign that Joe just isn't into me. And that's fine. If he's not into me then he's not. There's no two ways about that. Yes, it sucks somewhat. The more time I spend with him, the more I realise that he hasn't got a clue what's going on. He has no idea. He's too busy and too stressed to realise that I'm trying. I don't think he'll ever realise.

Well fuck that. 

This crazy psycho bitch cow is going to focus on weight. I should've known to venture into the fuzzy romantic side of life was a mistake.