"That kind of life just ain't for us. We crave a different kind of buzz."
Everything feels messy and a bit out of control at the moment. I will admit right now that I have been completely and utterly off the wagon for the past...I don't even know how long. I honestly, honestly haven't thought about how I am going to lose weight for at least a week. Which I am feeling so very guilty about. All of a sudden I am aware of it, and it is all a bit too late! My fault, totally my own fault.
So now it has to be all hands on deck...or something to that effect. Be all and end all is that I have to start working out seriously. I've got lots of catching up. At least I have managed to not gain anything. Still sitting extremely flatly on 58kg. I want to be under 55kg by Valentine's day. That's 2 weeks away. I feel like I've somehow got my work cut out for me, even though it seems perfectly plausible. My plan is to have net -300cal per day, with the exception of Chinese New Year which will be like, +5000cal. I'll see what I can do. Will try to eat lots of the salad and less...roast duck.
So much talk about food dictates a trip to the grocery store. Everything in my house feels so very...high calorie. I despair at the fact that I cannot have a full meal for only 20 calories. That would be ideal. Or you know, have a piece of fried chicken for 20cal. I love fried chicken!!!! I just walked past a KFC today and I almost melted to the ground because of the smell. It was amazing. All I wanted to do was to walk in and eat all the chicken in there.
But then I grab a few handfuls of belly fat and realise that that is not a feasible thing to do. The best I can hope for at this stage is to lose a little bit in 2 weeks. Long term investment anyone?
Feels weird...the whole boyfriend thing. It feels pretty good, but hey, the motivation changes. Now I have this huge fear that he is going to leave me for being fat. So I have to lose weight to keep him.
Does that even make sense???
I told him that I got some new lingerie and he is sooo looking forward to taking me away for the weekend. I just don't know how I am going to feel attractive in it. I look so bloody fat.
I need to find some drive, then I could lose some weight. Before going to bed tonight I ate a bowl of oatmeal, and then a bowl of cereal.... So awful!!!!
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best, hopefully you will be able to have more control then me... And with your control, may I feed off of it instead of gorging myself with food.
i also have fallen off the wagon! as you know. i think i have fallen off, crashed the wagon and burned it!
ReplyDeleteI WANT TO BE 58 KILOS. omg. i'd die. i'd love being 58 kilos. like seriously. would just...
sigh. if only a week long chocolate diet could do that for me! i'd doubt i'd drop 5.4 kilos in a week :P
perhaps soon. i know that 63.4 kilos i weighed in at - a sum of that is water weight! so get rid of the water weight, buckle down, get to 60 kilos and then it's 'only' 2 kilos. ahahaha.
roast duck sounds bloody amazing omg.
i wouldn't lie. i'm probably not a carb junkie as much as i am a protein junkie. fuck. i have full on eaten food for the protein. omg. i think my weakness is a turkey sandwich.
i love you. i honestly do. i love your love for fried chicken so much. it's unbelievable. ugh. i think my weakness lies in pizza. fuck. sometimes, i just want to eat a whole bloody pizza by myself because i'm a greedy fuck.
belly fat!!! sometimes, i'm just like "wait. i supposedly have a 25 inch waist" then i look into the mirror and laugh. it's all soft! every part of me is soft. except my chest and my collarbones. i think if i just lose a bit off my chest, oh my god. i'd probably just die. my chest bones show sometimes. sort of dependent on the bra i wear as well. if i'm wearing no bra, they show and oh my god. makes me never want to wear a bra again because they're so lovely. ugh.
if i ever get to your weight, they may show even when i'm wearing a BRA. HOW BRILLIANT IS THAT
nooooooooo you're not fat. shhhhhhhhh. not with your size, m'dear. x
-Sam Lupin