Saturday, January 4, 2014

super-romance-honeymoon island

"I sometimes believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!" 

Weight: indeterminate. AKA I am too scared to weigh myself because for the past 3 days I've been like, not restricting on any level. And I've been revolutionising myself and my habits. I banned myself from checking that fucking stupid dating site. Can't handle it. Was driving me mad. 

I've decided that I just have to take things at face value. If it walks/talks/looks like a duck then it's a fucking duck. Couldn't really go through life being that suspicious, it was killing me. If he ends up being a fucker, then I will find out when I find out instead of denying myself good times for potentially no reason at all. 

But now that I am back at work and settled back into my routine, I am setting up a new routine for myself to lose weight:

Breakfast: cup of black coffee
Lunch: fat free yoghurt, piece of fruit, salad
Dinner: difficult to set food item, but my calorie limit will be 300cal. I will fill up with tea and coke/sprite zero if I still feel hungry. 

I'm hoping that the above diet will be 600calories a day max. 800cal a day if I have a bad day. 

On top of that, I will go to the gym every day except for days when I am working till 10pm. At the gym I will do weights, because I want to build a bit of muscle to bring up my basal metabolic rate and to stop myself breaking down muscle if my body swings into starvation mode. Then I will run for 30mins, do 2km on a rowing machine and 20mins on an elliptical.

The above workout should hopefully be around 400cal. So I'm hoping that my net intake every day will be around 300-500cal. 

Let's see if I can't lose weight with that! 

Now my motivation at this point is online dating guy. And something that happened on our last date. Warning, at this point I will launch into incredibly flowery prose, I am about to give Mills and Boon a run for their money. In a very roundabout way, I will eventually come to the point! But if you don't want to read it, you can probably skip the first couple of paragraphs. 

He texts me as he's driving back from being away for a week. "Hey, what are you up to this weekend? Want to spend some time with me?" After our last date when we had dinner, walked around in each others arms and kissed, I didn't really know what to expect but I said yes. After all, I didn't have anything planned. 

"Shall we take the ferry out to the Island? We can check out the wineries."

I have never been one to say no to wineries! So we arranged a time to meet at the ferry terminal. By the time I arrive he's already got out tickets. He's also got a bag with togs, towels, sunscreen, water, maps, you name it, he's got it. And I just stood there, dumbfounded. Well I'd brought my visa card and my phone. Felt like I was not at all prepared. When we arrived I made a beeline for the surf shop. 

This can drag out a bit so I shall be brief. We had lunch at a restaurant by the beach, sipping cocktails. We then went and lay down at the beach. He pulled me into his arms and we just lay there, giggling to ourselves. Then he tilts my chin up and kisses me and after making out for a good while I feel like omg, when did I become queen of PDA. After wondering around hand in hand, we end up at a vineyard where we sipped a very nice pinot noir under the shade of an olive tree. It's the same story again, we are lying on the grass, and he pulls me down on top of him and we just lie there talking bullshit and making out. We must have been there for hours. Lying in the shade, looking up at the clouds, he was aimlessly tracing random shapes on my shoulder with his finger. 

At the beach I squeeze into my bikini. My boobs look great, but that's about it. And I feel like a wobbly blob as I walk towards the water. The wind is picking up the waves are HUGE but I can't wait to get in the water to hide all my flab. When I get in the water I realise how strong the waves actually are. I can't stand up by myself so I hang onto him to keep myself upright. He holds onto my hand and pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me and we kiss as the waves break around us. Then, to my horror, he picks me up. He's swinging me around and kissing me before I can protest. "You don't weigh much at all!" and he continues to carry me deeper into the sea. 

We have fish and chips and wine by the beach and as we walk back to the ferry, he stops me in the middle of the road several times for kisses. And at the beach by the ferry terminal, we lie down in each other's arms and watch the sun go down. There is a jazz band playing at the bar a while away and the music wafts down to us. When it is dark he starts to kiss me, he's pulling me very close, squeezing me tightly, things are getting a bit hot and heavy and he groans when he sees the ferry arrive. 

I can't really stop thinking about him. I don't know what to think anymore. I think what I need to do is just pretend that I am definitely the only girl that he is seeing. And just enjoy what his happening. I feel like I'm somewhat scarred from wearing that bikini. I would definitely feel much more secure in our relationship if I looked thinner. But since I like him so much I am going to use him as motivation. 

Every time I eat, I am going to picture myself in that bikini, all that fat poking out. And how bad I felt when he saw me. And then I will tell myself that I can't eat. I can't possibly eat when I still look like this in a bikini. 

Maybe if I'm thin, he'll want me. Maybe if I'm thin, he'll like me as much as I like him. 


  1. as a comment your comment on my blog: i wouldn't believe you have a body fat percentage of like just under 30%! that's insane. my scale is fairly consistent with my body fat percentages - could go out of its rocker sometimes. once i weighed in, having lost weight and my bf % went up and i'm like: 'you're bloody joking'.
    anyway, to your post: fuck. that progress photo up there for that girl is splendid. if i look like that in my after picture, i'd swoon. xD funny thing is i don't have a proper before picture :( fattest me did not like to take pictures.
    for the past 3 days, i've been eating like i've never seen food before.
    "Couldn't really go through life being that suspicious, it was killing me. If he ends up being a fucker, then I will find out when I find out instead of denying myself good times for potentially no reason at all." good girl.
    you're ludicrous. i can't understand how people can skip breakfast! just now. i'm telling myself to finish an episode of Vikings then have breakfast.
    then again, in the world of restriction, having breakfast = being hungrier. being hungrier = eating more. perhaps, it makes sense to my addled brain now. :P
    i have to pick up my weights soon. like drastically soon. i suck at picking up my weights however. i've been so lazy with them you don't even want to know.
    running for 30 minutes - guess how long i can run for. about 1 or 2 minutes. anyone that can run is insane.
    oh wait. you have huge tits. i keep on forgetting this. sorry, i broke out of your prose just to remember that. that's it. i've realised you're too good for him. xD
    i trust him when he said that.
    you don't weigh much at all, lady. :3
    aw, love. the thing about boys is you can never guess how much they like you - unless they're obsessive and stalk you *guess who's had many encounters like that?* he sounds like he likes you quite as much as you like him. sounds like it. doesn't have to mean that it's necessarily true. God knows what goes onto men's heads most of the time.
    take care of yourself, angel xxx

    -Sam Lupin

  2. You can do this, and you are wonderful!

    It is, in fact, a New Year.

  3. That sounds like a good routine to follow- yoghurt, salad, fruits- all healthy stuff, low in calories, and super filling. I like routines, planning, and predictability- there's something calming about having everything planned out. And lifting weights is awesome- the more muscle, the stronger one looks and feels!

    It sounds like you had a wonderful time with online date guy (I mean really, that date sounded awesome!). I hope everything works out between you two. Since you're having doubts about whether or not you're the only girl he's seeing- I like your idea of enjoying the time you two have together. Time will tell and what is meant to be, will be. Take care and have a wonderful weak!