you know you're in love when...

I feel that I must start off with a small disclaimer. I am not in love with a person. So I sincerely hope nobody was hoping to read about me falling in love with a boy.

I think the word "love" is bandied about like crazy these days. Everyone uses it and it's sort of lost it's meaning for me. I mean, I use it liberally. Maybe 10 times a day. And I just thought, if I use it that often, then when do I know when I actually mean it?

Anyway, that was a lame intro into what I really wanted to tell you about, and that was my day at work. See, to me, I know I love something if I lose sleep and appetite over it, if I'm spending more than half my day at it, if it exhausts me beyond what words can express, if it takes away my social life, if it places me in bad situations...and if at the end of all that it still puts a smile on my face and leaves me wanting more, then I love it.

I think you all know where I'm going with this. I've just started my surgical rotation. I've spent the past 16 hours working, standing, I probably sat for half an hour out of those 16. And for 4 of those 16 I spent with my team working on a patient who will die in the near future. My feet are so sore I'm limping. I now have to study to face my boss tomorrow. I'm facing a 12hour day tomorrow, and that's if I'm lucky.

I'm so tired I'm actually too tired to sleep. But I'm so happy. I love my job. At the end of the day, I'm not happy unless I'm in theatre. I need to be operating. That's where I belong.

But a happy side effect of all this is that I'm too busy to eat. And I'm "exercising". If standing all day counts as exercise.

For the past 2 weeks I've been on a 500-600cal per day diet. It's worked as well as I had calculated. I'm losing 1kg per week. Still, this isn't quite as fast as I'd like (not that I'm complaining, it'd just be extra good if I could go faster) so I've started a 300cal a day diet. This combined with surgery should make me lose more weight. That's what I'm hoping anyway. We'll see when I weigh myself at the end of the week.

But for now, I shall go and study my beloved surgery, or, or, I'll go to sleep and get up early to study.