Ana-help!

This is a post that is a slight modification of what I sent my awesome of awesomest buddies Ruki. I thought it summed up how I'm feeling right now and so I thought you guys might want to read it. Just goes to show that everyone has bad times. I try to stay motivated but I think I'm allowed an off day.

I can't wait to weigh myself, I'm so nervous about how much I might weigh!

I haven't seem the handsome Mr D this week. I really miss him! I feel real sad that I can't see him anymore. this is bad because history would suggest that when I get like this, I tend to start emotionally eating. I'm already scared because this is the first time I've eaten so much since I started losing weight. Today I had 600cal which isn't much but in terms of volume it's quite a lot (or maybe my stomach is smaller) so I feel like I'm pigging out.

It's not a good week. I'm like, feeling so bad because I miss Mr D (and I also know that just because he was so special to me doesn't mean he'll remember who I am at all), I also feel bad because I know he won't remember me and it sucks because he kinda had an impact on my life. I'm sick and congested and I feel like crap health wise. I've doubled my calorie intake to 600cal and I don't think I'm losing weight at all.

I know I'm making progress but it's hard because I just don't feel like I'm close to what I want to be and it's frustrating because although I'm usually quite positive about it, today is one of those where it doesn't feel like I'll ever be that thin.

I look at my thinspo pics and I'm like, I don't think I'll ever look like that because I feel so fat right now.

Also, my eating habits, or rather my lack of them have attracted the attention of a few people. The other people in my training rotation group keep mentioning it. Well, I guess it's hard for them to ignore since we quite often have lunch together.

Right now we're all just joking about it but the thing is, even though it's all laughs I can already feel the undercurrent that they will step in if they ever feel like I'm not eating enough. That sucks. If that threat becomes more real then I'm going to have to start avoiding them somehow.

I dunno. But I'll do what it takes. I can't wait to reach my goal weight.