Monday, May 21, 2012

the hunger games

If I can change I hope I never know. 

I’m a liar and a cheat. And worse, I’m lying and cheating myself. What sort of horrible person am I? I can’t even be honest to myself. This weight loss thing. I don’t think I’m even really trying. My weight goes up, it comes down, but I’m never below 55kg. I’m sick of it. I must be 50kg at the most before I leave for the UK. Surely that’s easier said than done. 
I think that when I get back to Hamilton I’m not going to eat. I’m going to buy myself tea and coffee and V and not any food at all. I don’t need to eat. I can’t eat, not if I’m going to lose any weight. Hopefully if I don’t eat anything on weekdays for a month and control myself on weekends then I will drop some weight, hopefully 5kg in a month. It should be plausible. It really should be very plausible. I’ve got to maintain a 1500cal deficit each day. That’s more than my BMR. So if I don’t eat and lose 300cal at the gym each day, I should be able to manage it. In a month. I must keep this up for a month. I must. When I’m at 50kg, then I can re-evaluate my weight loss methods. 
I’m sick and tired of being this horrendously fat weight. I want to be a skinny weight. It's time to be honest and just front up to myself. If I don't eat, I'll lose weight. It's just that simple. 

There is no "eat this healthy thing, you'll be okay". There is no "I can pig out today because I fasted yesterday". No more games. I will just stop eating. And yes, it is that simple. 


  1. i'm going to be slightly hypocritical here, but please be careful! xo.

  2. I know the desperation you feel. I need to loose like 30 pounds before my birthday in August if I have any hope of starting the next year of my life positively. I think you can do it, and I sure as hell hope I can too. <3

  3. Hi, new follower here. :)

    I saw someone else had a similar post to yours earlier, so I figured I'd pass on my "words of wisdom" to you as well. Look into natural appetite suppressants. Generally these are vitamins you can buy at the grocery store in the pill section such as Evening Primrose and Vitamin D pills. :) Good luck, lady.