Monday, May 21, 2012
the hunger games
If I can change I hope I never know.
I’m a liar and a cheat. And worse, I’m lying and cheating myself. What sort of horrible person am I? I can’t even be honest to myself. This weight loss thing. I don’t think I’m even really trying. My weight goes up, it comes down, but I’m never below 55kg. I’m sick of it. I must be 50kg at the most before I leave for the UK. Surely that’s easier said than done.
I think that when I get back to Hamilton I’m not going to eat. I’m going to buy myself tea and coffee and V and not any food at all. I don’t need to eat. I can’t eat, not if I’m going to lose any weight. Hopefully if I don’t eat anything on weekdays for a month and control myself on weekends then I will drop some weight, hopefully 5kg in a month. It should be plausible. It really should be very plausible. I’ve got to maintain a 1500cal deficit each day. That’s more than my BMR. So if I don’t eat and lose 300cal at the gym each day, I should be able to manage it. In a month. I must keep this up for a month. I must. When I’m at 50kg, then I can re-evaluate my weight loss methods.
I’m sick and tired of being this horrendously fat weight. I want to be a skinny weight. It's time to be honest and just front up to myself. If I don't eat, I'll lose weight. It's just that simple.
There is no "eat this healthy thing, you'll be okay". There is no "I can pig out today because I fasted yesterday". No more games. I will just stop eating. And yes, it is that simple.