Friday, February 11, 2011


Okay, so I log in today after a week of no internet and find that there are now 10 people following me!!!!! Yay! I'm so happy! It's so nice to feel supported in all this.

So my liquid fast lasted 5 days where I ate nothing, expect a few mouthfuls when I was tasting food when I was cooking for my flat. So all in all I think I did quite well.
I lost 2kg!!! so, like, around 4 pounds! I know that a pound isn't exactly half a kilo, but close enough. I can actually see the difference! I feel skinnier!

I'm so happy! I'm so going to do this more often! Maybe not every week, but I am definitely going to fast more. And at all other times I will eat much less. I'm trying to keep eating days between 500-800 calories and have lots of fasting days. My new goal is to be my goal weight of 49kg by at least June. This is because in June I will be working with Prof CNM for 4 weeks and I'd like him to realise that I've lost weight. If I weight 49kg then, I will be 16kg lighter than when he first met me. If he doesn't realise, I'm sure his wife will.

Over the past week people have been calling me stupid for not eating and saying that I'm attractive enough. But they don't realise that the point is not to be attractive. The point is to be thin. It's hard to explain why it is so important for me to be thin. But it has become so very important.

Besides my job, being thin is now the only other thing that matters. Which is rather nice because it means that I'm not only juggling 2 things in my life.

I've been walking differently because I've worked out that I sort of stand hunched over. If I stand up right and lean slightly backwards and walk like that, then I'm always engaging my abs and so they are aching right now. I know it seems like a weird way of walking but I learnt it from watching runway shows. I realised that runway models seemed to be leaning backwards slightly. I thought it was because of the shoes that they were wearing.

Then one day, when I was walking to work early in the morning, there is this stretch of pavement that's really long and straight, kind of like a runway, there was no one there and so I decided to practice my runway walk. So I was walking like that, long strides, leaning back and my gosh, my abs! So sore! So I'm going to walk like that more often and use my abs more to hopefully flatten them.

Jones and MH are both really pissing me off at present. My two best friends. They're being really unsupportive and petty over the whole not eating and cutting thing so I'm trying to take a break from them. Lucky for me I found CH who is my new ana buddy.

If you're reading this CH, you know who you are, I love ya girl!

I hate people who are so against pro ana. I mean, it's our right to choose this and do what we feel is right. I love pro ana girls, I get so much support from you guys, you don't judge me, you understand what I'm going through, you are always there to hear my whinging and give me advice. I love proana. I love you girls.


  1. people are scared
    they don't understand really :\
    no one who doesn't self-harm understands it
    and people get angry to deal with their fear
    ps. i really like your journal. it's so
    interesting! and you sound so sweet. : )

  2. AWWWWW!!!!!! MUKIOW!!!! you are so sweet! thank you so much!