Saturday, September 10, 2011

a new stomach

I was watching a show today called "Embarrassing Fat Bodies" and it's all guessed it...embarrassing fat bodies. Great reverse thinspo by the way.

One of the women on the show underwent hypnosis to trick her into believing she'd had a gastric band even though she hadn't. Part of the procedure was the therapist putting a golf ball into her hand and saying, this is the size of your new stomach and this gave me an idea.

The photo there shows me holding up a little container. It's one of the capsules inside Kinder Surprise that holds the toy. I've decided that I am going to carry this with me at all times and when I eat, I will hold it and tell myself that it is the size of my new stomach.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to fast mostly, but when I do feel the urge to eat, I will only eat what can fit inside that capsule and that will be the limit of what I eat. That way, even if I am a total lose and eat 6 times a day, I will only eat a tiny amount.

After the surprise huge weight loss of last week, I am so very nervous about not being able to keep it up next week. I'm not asking for another 7lbs, that would really be too good to be true, I'm asking for 2 or 3lbs.

I can't wait to be 100lbs. I think that being thin, and actually feeling thin must be the best feeling in the world. To feel so light and free, what wouldn't I give to feel that.

I'm starting to have a real issue with food. Normally, I think about restricting all day and I might feel guilty about eating but when I am eating, I am enjoying it. Now, today, when I ate, all I could think was carbs carbs carbs, fat fat fat fat ugly cow. I can't really look at food, it all looks bad. I went out with a good friend of mine today to get a coffee and we had doughnuts, our favourite ones at this cute little cafe. I normally wouldn't think twice about eating a doughnut or two plus something savoury, but today, I got partway through my doughnut and felt so bad I was actually about to sick it all up. But she's a psychologist and I wasn't about to risk doing something like that in front of her so I just stopped eating. I said I was feeling a bit sick and didn't finish my doughnut. Which is something new for me. I never used to leave food unfinished.

With these new methods, I hope to keep losing weight next week and reach 100lbs as fast as I can!

1 comment:

  1. reading this, i see me in 1999. (here's my photograph from 1999,

    but you seem much older than i was. you seem very mature. but it seems that it's the first time you're experiencing this huge decline in weight? do you think that your described pleasure in food could turn into bulimia?

    i think you're very smart, so i certainly don't want to counsel you. i'm just very curious about your background and of how you got here. when did your obsession with thin start?