I have spent a lot of time worrying my ass off about what will happen when I see the professor. Last time I saw him he wanted to get me therapy for ED and for my cutting and depression. He wanted to monitor my weight to make sure I don't lose any more. He was so worried and I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to lose any more weight with him watching me. I was worried that if he was going to do all this and I did not comply, then I would not be able to keep my job and I was also scared he would report me to the medical council.
I said that I would try to strike some sort of balance there and try to make him less worried and continue to lose weight without him worrying or wanting to monitor me.
AND I DID... LIKE A BOSS!!!!!!!
My skinny lovelies, your girl Judith Marie knows how to TURN IT ON when she needs to! Hell yeah! TRIUMPH IS MINE!!!!! I walked out of our encounter wanting to jump around and I drove through the rain really fast with my stereo on really loud....LIKE A BOSS!!! Celebrated by buying lots of too tight clothes that I will soon fit!!!
When I saw the professor I totally turned it on. I was happy, cheerful, bubbly and really, really smiley. Since I only gained weight in Singapore, I didn't look any thinner and he was really, really pleased about that and seemed to think I'd turned a corner. He didn't ask about the cutting or depression or eating...I think he was really relieved by how I looked and acted that he didn't want to bring it up.
If he had asked he'd have found out that I'm super upset about gaining weight in Singapore, that I've cut quite a few times since then, that I can't sleep because I'm always crying. And I'm more determined than ever to lose weight, especially with my qualification looming at the end of the year.
But the point is, he didn't ask. I also told him about my flatmate, and how she's cooking lots and we're eating it. I made it sound like we were regular binging all the time. I didn't tell him my intake is around 800cal per day and I'm going to wean it down to 500cal then 300cal soon, introduce fasting days again and join the gym next week and go every day with my friend.
God, I am so looking forward to progress again. Sammy, my love, you were so right in your advice to slowly wean down my calorie intake after the Great Singapore Binge of 2011. I really do crave food and it's really, really hard to do. 800cal might sound okay but I'm so suffering. I just want to binge all the time. But if I slowly decrease my intake, I should be back on track soon.
I haven't felt this upbeat for a long time! Hiking my scales to my new home so that I can keep up to date all the time with my weight. I can't wait to work hard at work and work hard at my weight and get my life back on track.
Can't wait to give you lovely girls posts with weight loss progress! Think skinny girls!
With every bite, think: a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.
We will thin and beautiful together!