Sunday, January 16, 2011

a particularly green streak

Well today was the first day back at uni and I guess it had it's ups and downs. On the up side the lectures were great, interesting and actually relatively okay to understand, it was great to see my friends again and I got quite a lot of my year sorted.

However. The big black mark all over today was a particular ex-friend who shall henceforth be refered to as SL. She and I used to be buddies, we're quite different and she was always very interested in my taste in fashion and make up and always asking to go shopping with me. I'm always happy to have a shopping buddy so that was all good. Then all of a sudden, with no warning, she hated everything I stood for. She called my clothes slutty (they're not, my style is strictly corporate and my outfits are almost without fail a pencil skirt with a shirt) and she thought make up was stupid and a waste of time. It was like she had the exact opposite view of what she had before and this literally happened overnight.

Anyway, we travel in the same social circles so we have been faux friends since then and after she got a boyfriend she sort of just dropped off my radar. I really only see her in between hospital rotations when we are doing on campus learning weeks. But when I saw her today, she had lost weight. I mean, she's always been thinner than me, but now, she's lost more weight and even I admit that she's looking great. Apparently it's all the belly dancing that she's been doing and the guys are all marvelling at her abs.

I can't tell you how much this makes sick with envy. For some reason I feel like she's my rival (even though we are in no way competing for any of the same things) but the fact that she's looking so great just drives me up the wall. I feel kinda worthless because if someone like her can lose weight then so can I.

I've now signed up for private ballet lessons once a week. They are freakishly expensive but I think that if I take private lessons then this will have several good effects:
1. I will feel obliged to practice ballet lots because the lessons cost me an arm and a leg.
2. Private lessons mean I get more attention to problem areas and can improve faster to do more complex dances.
3. Paying buckets of money for these lessons mean I will have no money for food. I get $160 a week to live off on, I am expecting to pay $100 a week for rent/bills etc and I am paying $60 an hour for these lessons so I will literally have no money for food. I will of course have to eat, but I have savings so I shall probably buy a little food each week and live off that.
4. Ballet and no food is a double pronged approach to weight loss.
5. I'm hoping that with my day choc a block with work, ballet and other forms of exercise I will be forced to stop procrastinating and start studying for my qualification exams and working on my paper.

I'm hoping that with this regime I will be a trim ballerina by the end of the year, or at least, much slimmer and more graceful with any luck.
I can't stand the fact that SL is thinner than me. I mean, she was always prettier, but I MUST BE THINNER! I don't care what it takes at this stage, I will be stick thin and thinner than her.

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