professional incompetence

No, that title doesn't herald some post about me doing something terrible in the hospital. That part of my life is still officially on holiday, at least, it is until tomorrow.

But what happened last night left me so outraged and drained of energy that I couldn't possibly behave properly. I just left and ran myself a hot bath and sat in it and bitched to one of my best friends about it. That probably all just meant nothing to anybody so I'll try to explain what happened even though it's still sort of a blur to me.

So I was sitting at my desk, working and trying to sort stuff out for when uni starts on Monday and my parents call me into their room. That only ever means that we are having a "meeting" where they discuss the things I'm not doing well enough and list the things that I needed to improve on. Needless to say that I hate these meetings but this one caught me off guard completely.

The opening statement was from dad and, it was (and I believe this is verbatim) "you are short, that's a disability, and you are unattractive and the only way a man will want to be with you is if he sees the value in you. You are rude and not polite enough and you need to get more valuable assests so that a man will want you." Firstly, I am not that short. I am 160cm tall and I have never found my height a problem. Secondly, height is inherited so if my parents have a problem with my height then it's all their fault.

Now that opening statement already had me completely fuming but it went on. He went on and on about how I need a boyfriend and how I need to make myself a better person for him. I need to be tidier because in future I will be cleaning up after myself and my boyfriend. I need to be polite and obedient because every man wants a quiet, obedient wife. But right now I am rude and unladylike and I need to change that for a man to want me.

This was followed by some shit about how I shouldn't do what I want to do, I should only do what I "should do" to further myself in life. And how even if I don't like what it is that I "should do", I must force myself to love it.

This was then followed by them saying I wasn't allowed to go to Hong Kong with one of my best friends at the end of the year. Now, they gave 3 reasons for this. The first was that I'm going to Germany next year so why don't I just transit HK when I go to Germany and save the money on the flight tickets (which is a valid enough point, I have no problem with this point). The second point was that the decision to go to HK wasn't "family oriented enough" and that I should be going to HK with my family and not with my friends (I'm 21 for fuck's sake! not 15!). The third point is possibly the most ridiculous of all 3 and it was that oh, but if I wanted to go to HK with my boyfriend (yes, the boyfriend that I don't have) then that would be absolutely fine.

So my friend who I was going to go with, she shares my anger and she suggests that I lie about going to HK with a boyfriend but actually jet off with her. Which is good except for the part that I would have to front up with a male as a fake boyfriend. I'm wondering if any of my gay friends would be happy to play the part.

Now considering I have summarised the main points of that talk into a few incoherent paragraphs, would it surprise anyone to learn that this talk took almost 2 hours, during which time I managed to scratch off all of the nail polish I was wearing in a desperate attempt to stop myself punching both my parents and storming out. I am so looking forward to not living at home. I don't know if I can get away with not coming home on weekend but my golly do I want to just never come home again.