I have never been one for fasting. I'm not good at it, it gives me big, big headaches and my tummy rumbles loud enough for everyone to hear. Up until now I have not been able to fast for longer than a day.
Today is my second day fasting.
It might sound like much but for me this is huge. I've always thought that I was too weak to fast and that there was no way I could go a whole day without giving in to temptation or without feeling so hungry that I would have had to eat. But fasting for 2 days just proves to myself that I am perfectly capable of having enough self control fast. And fast for 2 days at that! This is the start of a whole new life for me.
I have proven to myself that I have self control, that I am in control of what I eat and that I am in control of who I am going to be. This is the first time that I've ever felt that I am in control of my future.
After a day of fasting that empty feeling and the pain that went with it went away. That hollowness that used to bring unbearable pain and failure then becomes a feel of purity and a feeling of peace and a feeling of power and pride and achievement.
I love the feeling of being hungry. I love the feeling of starving. It reminds me that I am doing something that will bring me closer to my goal weight.
An obsession with food and being thin underlies everything in my life. The successes and failures in my journey are detailed here with the other ups and downs of my life in general. Politically incorrect proana prose and rants are scattered throughout and I hope to share my experiences and maybe entertain some of you.
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