laxies and responses to comments

So I took laxies for the first time in my life. I've been feeling super bloated for a long time now and I've also been on some sort of God almighty binge. And by that, I mean, I've been eating the amount I would normally eat before I started dieting almost a year ago. Which is heaps. No wonder I put on so much weight. It scares me that I can still do it.

I've had a lot of warning from people on varies proana sites not to take laxies. And up till now I've heeded them. But I do think it was always inevitable that I would end up taking them. I bought a pack of them "just in case" and it was a full half day before I took some. So much for self control. After a HUGE dinner, I thought, right, let's see what these things do. I thought I'd start with the normal dose and see what effect that has on me.

I woke up the next morning not feeling very much. I had expected to be up and running for the bathroom but I so wasn't. Disappointed I just milled around aimlessly for a while, after about half an hour I started to get cramping pains in my abdomen. Then they got really bad. Is this what it's normally like?

It's a really interesting feeling, watching my tummy get flatter. Really satisfying, but really, really odd at the same time, seeing as how it is accompanied by little waves of pain cannoning around my abdomen. But still, I don't regret it. I know I wouldn't have gone to the bathroom without the laxies and I'll still be huge and bloated.

I know it doesn't do jack shit about getting rid of fat, but for after a binge, it sure makes me feel like I'm at least attempting to redeem myself. And I quite like the feeling of being empty. I don't like the feeling of needing to sit on the toilet for ages, just in case, but I suppose I'll get used to it/get better at using laxies over time. At present, I don't see myself abusing them as such. The pain I'm experiencing with the normal dose is sufficient, I think if I took more than that my bowels might actually burst.

Now for a couple of responses:

strive4perfection: surgical markers are really, really easy for me to get hold of, because I am a surgeon in training. Where I work there is a lab set up like eye theatre with all the operating microcopes and cataract machines, and a big cabinet full of knives and scalpel blades. I'm not really supposed to go in there, but sometimes I work late and the door is left unlocked and so I can go in there and take some blades.

This is why I was able to carve the bird, because even normal scalpel blades are too big. I know you can't tell from the photo, but it's really not that big at all and so I needed small, very sharp knives to do it. The scalpels that I used are actually for operating on eyes so you can imagine how fine they are!

I've never really thought about what I'd do if people see the bird. And I almost wish I had thought of that before I cut it and then you asked me! I'm going on holiday with my parents at Christmas to Singapore, to a hotel with an amazing pool, so if it scars they will definitely see that I've cut a bird into my leg. For now, it means I can't wear short shorts but that's not a biggie.

Krystal: How are you girl! For ages there Blogger was telling me that your blog didn't exist anymore and now, even though I'm following you, it won't tell me when you update your blog. And it also says I can't comment on your blog. So I have no idea what is going on!!!