Friday, December 23, 2011

happy christmas girls! memories are made of this

Happy Christmas girls! Thank you all so much for the wonderful support you all have shown me throughout this year. I really do wish you all the very best for this holiday season and the 2012. I look forward to moving onwards with you in our journey together to thin perfection.

I've been moaning and groaning and crying on this blog so much recently that I thought I'd celebrate this season with a really pleasant memory. I sincerely hope that each one of you will be so lucky as to experience a happy, safe, warm moment like this. I love you girls. 

He smiles at me. A small smile, not his usual teasing one, but one that is somehow softer around the edges. His eyes strike fear into the very heart of me but they are utterly magnetic. That odd shade of blue that can look ice cold or filled with warmth depending on his mood, once I make eye contact, I can't bring myself to break it. Somehow he is standing beside me now. I've been so locked onto his eyes that I didn't notice him move from behind his desk. 

My heart beats with a dull thud, thud, thud. The blood slowly creeps around my body and I don't feel very much except a paralysing fear about what the future holds. I've never put my trust in anybody but this man holds the most trust that I can bring myself to give to anyone. It's not enough to take away my fear, but it's enough to stop me running out of the room and never coming back. 

His smiling figure is right in front of me now. When he is this close to me everything else just fades into the background. I'm no longer aware of the room, the secretaries gossiping behind the closed door, the cool breeze blowing through the open window, the awards that cover the walls, everything fades away. 

I wish I could fall into the blueness of his eyes, into that blue paradise of ice and fire where nothing really matters and none of my issues exist. His expression softens further still. He opens his arms and I step into them. I love resting my head against his chest and not being able to put my arms all the way around him. I love feeling his arms wrap around me, holding me up. I love the roughness of his stubble on my face. Right now, everything about him makes me feel safe. It's a rare feeling for me. 

I look up at him and he brings his hand up to my face and brushes my fringe out of my eyes. We'll get through this together, whispers the deep and melodic Scottish voice, I want to look back at this with you in five years time and see this as a dark period that we got through. 


  1. It's nice to read a happy memory again ... you deserve having happy memories.

    The relationship you have with the professor is quite interesting. It sounds healthy and I really do hope that one day you'll find the balance. Not gaining weight, stay slim but not disappoint him. It sounds like disappointing him is sometimes a goal and sometimes the biggest fear.

    Happy Christmas!

  2. That's such a beautiful memory, hold on to that, don't forget it.

    I hope you're having fun in Singapore!