Thursday, December 1, 2011


Fiandshalimer, jackie, Christina, aliceana and Bella. Thank you lovely ladies for your lovely, lovely comments. It's very lovely. Lovely. As you see, I'm demonstrating my vast vocabulary for you there.

HELLO BELLA!!! Follower number 50. WHAT! I can't believe I have 50 followers. That's just crazy. And you were saying how smart I sounded. Lol. Because so far in this post I haven't sounded very smart at all. Job no. 2 is killing me so normal mental status will resume after today. Which is my deadline for finishing the job.

Well I just weighed in at 119lbs. *breathes huge sigh of relief* When I started I was 124lbs and so I'm 5lbs down and hugely relieved. You may remember that I had a fit of joy when I hit 119lbs last time, but it didn't last long because I gained weight. I'm so glad I'm back here. 115lbs here I come! However, I don't know how I'm going to lose 2lbs with the weekend coming up. Not to mention my birthday next Monday. Just a nightmare because my family celebrates everything with a feast.

But onto the theme of today's post...I feel like Sesame know, today's post was brought to you by the letter N. N for noticing.

I'm noticing that I'm smaller. Even after I eat, my abdomen doesn't pouch out as much as it used to, which is something that I'm really, really enjoying. I'm loving trying on my old clothes and seeing that they don't get stretched as much as they used to. There is progress!!!!!

As long as I'm moving in the right direction. Yesterday I sat down and suddenly noticed how huge my thighs are. They're smaller than they used to be, but omg, they are still enormous. I feel so ashamed of them! Still, take what you can get, as I always say. One day I will have the thin, lithe gazelle legs that I've always wanted. Granted, I'll have a shorter version because my legs are so short.

I've decided to just not have the laxies, unless I seriously can't stop myself. My bowels are now back to their usual irritable self. Fiandshalimer, thanks for reminding me. I mean, I knew all that, all the stuff laxies do, I knew all that but for some reason it didn't click. Then the colostomy thing, that's what finally made me think I should stop entirely. I did my time in general surgery (loved it!) and I've seen patients with colostomies and failed anastamoses and rectal prolapses, I've even done a few colostomies. I remember thinking that that truly was a fate worse than death. I would rather die than have a permanent colostomy.

On the downside, I did notice something yesterday that makes me a little worried. I went for a run and I just couldn't do it. I was so tired and I had to walk every now and then. I got breathless so easily. It probably means I'm getting anaemic again. From the restricting and mostly eating vegetables, I'm probably anaemic. I'm going to have to think about how to proceed from here...

On a completely different note, met a really good looking guy yesterday. Don't go getting excited though, he's Australian and is going back to Australia on Monday. He was in theatre with me and the professor. Really smart guy and he was also SO BIG. Like, really tall and quite well built, even if I say so myself. He made me feel really small, which is probably why I liked him. A nice, smart, tall, hunky Aussie guy. And now, I apply my rule that I use for all medical students and doctors: taken until proven otherwise. Not that it matters, I won't see him again.


  1. Yey 119! Good for you!
    I understand what you mean by noticing that your smaller. There was about a week where I was absolutely astonished about how much smaller I was. Now however, all I see is fat. My thighs are also huge. Sometimes it's a little hard to believe that they were once twice the size.

    I hope that you're not anaemic again. Maybe try to introduce a little meat into your diet if you're eating mostly vegetables. Or eat a ton of spinach. Once thing that I did was eat a special cereal for women that contained 25% of the recommended daily intake of iron. I think little things like that might help.

    Some Australian guys are extremely attractive but for every attractive guy there is about 5 not so good looking guys. Most Australians are really nice though. I shouldn't be talking though, my boyfriend is Irish.
    You'll find a great guy though, these things all take time :)


    P.S Sorry I always type so much. I tend to comment when I'm in a weird mood and therefore sometimes ramble, like now :/

  2. i don't think it's good that you have lost weight, i read it with dismay. You ARE smart, but your cognitions are going to get worse the more you starve. I used to be smart, now i have trouble doing a sum like 2 + 2 in my head some days. I was a dancer, I was at uni, I lost them. I had to stop dancing because of anorexia, I was too sick. i had to stop uni because of it, I couldn't think any more. It keeps on going downhill from there - I was insane and I was unable to sit up let alone stand at some points. All this hard work you have done, you will throw away. You won't have a career in medicine, you will end up on benefits for those unable to work and your life will be sleeping and doctor appointments. And all because you wanted to lose weight? It's not worth it. You ARE thin. You can't see it because your cognitions are screwed up. The more you lose weight from here on, you will actually start seeing yourself as bigger as you get smaller, and that is pointless too because you will never be able to 'enjoy' that skinnyness you worked so hard for if you can't even see it. Can you get a referral to a doctor or dietician, and ask for help? The best thing you could do for yourself is turn it around NOW. Before you get to the point where you WANT to but are completely hopelessly stuck and powerless. How about concentrating on being the healthiest you could be, rather than the smallest number on the scales? That IS achievable and wont kill you like this will.
    You are so lovely, you deserve so much better than this. Don't throw it all away!
    I am glad my comments about the laxies helped... also keep in mind, that you are doing damage EVERY TIME you use them. And that at the very least you would not be able to go without them, if you continued to use them. Being stuck on them for life is not much fun!
    Keep fighting. This is not a life you actually want. xxx

  3. I'm not criticising, i don't mean to sound like that - I want you to see the reality of this as well. What it's really like to be where you want to be. Because it breaks my heart to see yet another promising life being ruined :( xx