Saturday, February 9, 2013

Day 10: when you love, love, love

"I want to know what love is. I want you to show me."

Mark smiles up at me over his dinner as I walk into the staff cafeteria, haggard. Another disgusting meal from this horrific place. It's late, the cafeteria is about to close and I've run in at the last minute. Out of the corner of my eye I see him look back at me as I scoop indeterminate coloured masses into my plate but he looks away when I greet other friends as they walk into the cafeteria. 

I see him turn to his own dinner as my friends settle themselves at another table, giggling as they chat. He seems somewhat surprised to see me sit down opposite him. Again he smiles at me and we end up sitting there and chatting for almost an hour. It's difficult for me to maintain as much eye contact as I'd like to because I don't want him to see me squirm and blush. Part of me wants to remind him that there are patients in ED that need to be seen, especially as I see the other doctors finish their dinner and leave, but Mark stays put, with me as I pick and pick at my meal. 

Thanking the lords that for some reason I've put my meal in a take out box instead of a plate, I close the lid, not wanting Mark to see that I've not really eaten anything. We talk about God knows what, laughing one minute, serious the next. The whole time I'm trying to see Mark's pupils, to see if they are dilated at all. At the end of the meal, I'm not sure, which probably means that they weren't and they were dead easy to see in his blue eyes. Luckily he definitely wouldn't be able to see my dinner plate sized pupils in my black eyes. 

I feel sick whenever I think about Mark. He makes me want to vomit. Because I like him so much. Yes, I know how weird that sounds.  

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