Saturday, February 23, 2013
it's all in the eyes
"Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right...you mind is playing tricks on you, my dear. 'Cause when the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore."
Someone once told me that you can always see the truth in someone's eyes. Okay, so everyone tells me that. Lovestruck friends, hate-filled friends, old ladies giving me advice and even my mother. And I very firmly believe in this. This is why I wear glasses all the time. Having a thick set of frames and glass between my eyes and the world makes me feel like I can somehow hide myself from it.
Maybe I'm just being hopeful, or losing myself in flights of fancy, in fact, I'm 99% sure I am, but that little one percent in me thinks that Mark might be a bit into me. Truth is, I haven't seen him for weeks now. Our paths just didn't coincide, I didn't have any really complex patients to call him about. But our teams collided in the ward when our bosses stopped to chat to each other.
By the time I spotted him, he was already looking at me and smiling. We didn't speak but oh my goodness we didn't break eye contact once. I just couldn't do it, couldn't stop myself looking at him. We were on the same ward for a while and so I went about doing my jobs, and each time I looked for him, he was already looking at me. As our bosses talked, we did this weird thing of moving throughout the ward, doing different things but somehow always looking at each other the whole time.
I don't know how he felt about it all, but I am sure he was looking at me, I am sure he was interacting with me on some level and I am sure he definitely knows who I am. That time was so different to all the other times. It felt different, but I'm not exactly sure how. There have been times when I've seen him and wanted him to leap on me, rip my clothes off and just do me right there and then. This wasn't exactly that, but it was so INTENSE!
Maybe I should stop dreaming and just hold onto what is constant. And try to get what I know I can get (which is losing weight) instead of using my energy for what I can't get, Mark.