Saturday, May 7, 2011
So many things tell me it's not good to purge, to not go down that way. And I can't. Because no matter how much I want to, I can't purge. I stand there in the bathroom and I just can't throw up. I'm so nervous I can't even stick a finger down my mouth to help. Sometimes though, the only thing that will help me is to purge (like now) but I just can't do it!
Do any of you girls have any tips for me? Like a, how to purge (for dummies)? I've only just eaten and I don't even know how soon afterwards I have to do it. I can feel that I've put on at least 1kg. Which sucks balls. I am going to liquid fast for most of next week and only eat dinner if I have to. But this sucks. I want to throw all this food up and I feel sooooo full up and bloated from my binge (stupid mother's day lunch) and I just want to get rid of it all so I can feel better.
I know it's the only thing that will make me feel better but I just don't know how to do it! I don't know what it's like but I'd hate for it to be some sort of massive struggle with lots of retching. I just want to stand there, bend over, have it all come out then be done with it. Is that even realistic? Or am I dreaming of some ideal world where purging is as easy as that?