Monday, May 2, 2011
you look thinner...have you lost weight?
Well today was my first lecture day for a long time. I haven't seen most of my class for about 3 months and I've not seen one of my best friends BB for a month and a half.
And I wore my new coat, which is a size 6 (where I'm from this is the smallest size you can get in most stores but it is nowhere near as small as US size 0. I think it's closer to US size 4 which isn't that small) and a few people sent comments my way. Several complimented my coat. Which I appreciate because a) it is a very nice coat and it's new and b) it cost me $239, which, for a poor student who is barely making ends meet is a lot of money.
But a few people also said to me that I looked like I'd lost weight! One girl said to me that she thought I'd lost a lot of weight. And BB said to me that I was quite dramatically thinner. And it's BB comment that means so much because I flat with her normally so she's seen me at the worst of times when I'm not trying to hide all my fat so she knows how fat I was to start with. She kinda looked surprised and grabbed my waist to see how small I'd gotten.
Now I must admit that what would mean the most to me is if TS ever noticed that I was getting smaller. He noticed that I was tired and I can't tell you how much that meant. But he hasn't noticed that I've lost weight yet. But mind you, I plan to be at 49kg sometime in the near future. I wrote a while ago that I was back up at 57kg but now I've gotten back to 54.5kg again. Which took time and effort but at least I'm back. Now I'm going to keep going and get down to 49kg. I just have to do it in time. I still feel that 6kg is a lot of weight to lose, and I'm really unsure of if I can do it in the next 4 weeks. I'm really, really not sure. I know that I can get down to 52kg or even 51kg in that time but 49kg, that's a lot to ask for. I'm seriously hoping that 2 weeks of liquid fasting will help me a whole lot.
In my head, I'm going to lose 4kg in those 2 weeks and 2kg in these next 2 weeks. I don't know if this is realistic at all. And I will be so disappointed if I don't make it.
But I was always the person to make back up plans till my head hurt so I've got one now. My plan is, if I don't get down to 49kg in 4 weeks, I will probably be around 52-51kg. In which case I will be 47-48kg by the end of the 4 weeks that I will spend working for Prof CNM.
Does that makes sense? I hope to be 49kg by the time I start working for him and if all went according to plan I'd be about 45kg by the time I finished with him a month later. But If that doesn't work then I will also accept 51-52kg by the time I start working for him and being 47kg by the time I finish working for him.
I want results fast, but I also know that this is a long term commitment and there is really no point in me killing myself over something like this when I know for sure that I will get there in the end. I will one day be skinny and remain thin for the rest of my life. So it really doesn't matter if it takes me a few extra weeks to get there.